last night, i was driving home. but driving was difficult. i was in a state of an indifferent aching. i turned off the radio as soon as eni went out. my face was aching from the smile i wore that evening. it was as if my smile lines were pulled by gravity of a different planet. i had to fight and still show a smile. i had to throw a line, the danger of silence is that it takes everything away, even the angels that hang, even the colors of the room.

all i was hearing was the slow hum of the engine. as if i was driving underwater, never exceeding 50, where bright headlights of cars cannot penetrate the proceeding darkness. death was certain, and my right foot wasn't heavy enough to pump speed. i felt water was seeping up to my neck, then to my face. i can't see clearly, i was soaked and cold, the water distorts my horizon, so i wiped my eyes from salt water.

the road home has always been long. but i know i will arrive soon. i was sitting and waiting, and pumping the pedal as cool air blows in my face. i felt that life is a cycle, whether with science or with fictional fantasies. i am drowning all over again, like a dream that haunts you every night. a dream that crosses from its boundaries into your pillow and bed, a reality trespasser. causing you pain in both realms. your state of existence is questionable as if your life is a dream, a strange place, strange that you can't stand it. Because I’m aching, aching back in square one. so i pray that God put a smile upon my face.